{"id":9744,"date":"2014-04-04T08:49:28","date_gmt":"2014-04-04T08:49:28","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.supportinglivestrong.nl\/supportinglivestrong\/?p=9744"},"modified":"2014-04-12T14:04:27","modified_gmt":"2014-04-12T14:04:27","slug":"leven-met-longkanker-een-artikel-over-je-mooi-voelen","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.supportinglivestrong.nl\/supportinglivestrong\/leven-met-longkanker-een-artikel-over-je-mooi-voelen\/","title":{"rendered":"Leven met longkanker – Een artikel over je mooi voelen"},"content":{"rendered":"

The Color of Cancer: A Piece about Feeling Beautiful<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/h2>\n

by Jennifer Glass<\/span><\/span><\/strong>\u00a0<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

\u201c<\/strong>I see your true colors shining through\u2026 True colors are beautiful.\u201d \u2013 Cyndi Lauper<\/span><\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n

For years my motto was, \u201cHave red dress, will travel.\u201d With a red dress, passport and credit card, I was ready for any adventure.<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

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My particular red is a deep, chewy red; a winter red with no orange in it. It is rubies, pomegranate, Christmas, blood. In this color I feel invincible, magical, beautiful.<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

When I was diagnosed with metastatic lung cancer last year, it sucked the color right out of me. My form-fitting red dresses went to the back of the closet, replaced by soft, baggy clothes in blacks and blues, the hues of a bruise.<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

Friends in the pink made me green with envy. How do you get your color back when you feel like a negative of your former self?<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

I got the moody blues when I started my treatment. Chemotherapy drained me and radiation discolored my skin, making it blister and burn. During this time I lived in my sweats \u2013 shades of storm cloud gray that matched my mood.<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

My husband Harlan was at my side throughout, my chemo-sabe. We had gotten married only four months before my diagnosis and were just learning how to be a family. This should have been a time for us to make plans for a bright future together. Instead, our newlywed year was darkened by cancer.<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

Whatever I may have looked like on the outside, Harlan saw what I was made of inside. He saw my true colors and every day he made it clear that he recognized beauty where I could not, and that he loved me.<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

A few weeks into chemo I began to lose my hair. It was horrible to feel it come away in my hands and see it blanket our bed in the morning. I asked Harlan to get the razor, and he gently, solicitously shaved my head. I was startled by my face in the mirror \u2013 blanched white and bald as an egg.<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

As I stared at my reflection, I got angry. So mad I saw red. I opened my make-up bag, which I hadn\u2019t touched in weeks. Slowly I began a process I\u2019d been perfecting since high school:\u00a0 foundation, powder, blush, then the eyes. I went heavy on the eyes. Watching the canvas of my face come to life I thought, \u201cWell, if my body is at war, let\u2019s put on the war paint.\u201d<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

I applied my best red lipstick, Clinique Vintage Wine. At a different time in my life this was the lipstick I wore to do battle in the board room, or go hunting on the dance floor. I reached for my sparkly red earrings and around my neck I tied a red sequined scarf that my cousin Faith had sent when I started chemo because she knew how this color feeds my soul.<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

As I walked into our bedroom Harlan turned to look at me. His eyes widened and his face lit up as he breathed, \u201cOh, wow!\u201d<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

I felt regal. I felt fierce. I felt beautiful.<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

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